Mumblings of a lost Mind..!!

Quite honestly let me admit at the very beginning, my blog has been the experiment chamber for my writing stint, prior to coming into B school life. But,as they say the schedule never ever allows you to do something else than savouring the sumptuous delicacies on the platter of a B school life.

This is the unedited version of one of my assignments-Employment Relations they call it(yes, unedited,because what I present here could not have been given to Prof as an assignment. In that case I would have got a Gross Grade Point....!!!)

I found the subject as interesting as the name of the subject, not because it talks about the relationships and all which gives enough scope for the gossip for the fertile minds at a place like XIMB, but because it has allowed me and many others like me to self google(A term derived by very dear friend of mine, Akash). The Prof.asked us to write an assignment on 'Tell Me Your story'.

What happened to you in your school, college, what decided your career path and what made you land here in Bhubaneswar, you can tell all that, but what matters is how do you make decisions in your life in regards to your career(and personal life).

Well now that really seems interesting, first time an assignment on which I spent more time thinking than doing(This deduces that I have been doing lot of assignments without much of thinking).

I have not been shy of forming opinions even if they differ from the crowd to an unmeasurable limit and believe in setting up my own contours. Perhaps that is why some of you call me whackily insane. And here at the Xavier square,they have started calling me BABY.(pun not intended)

Ever since I grew old enough to realize that my opinions matter, I started forming them with much more conviction, but I think the part of putting them forward also came out very strongly in my personality, even if I have to put them across to my family, the details of which I will be sharing in the latter half of ‘my story’.

Let me first of all take you back in the flashback and give you the reason for the career dilemmas I faced and still facing in my life. My father wanted to be an IAS officer, he even appeared for it once in 1984, but due to some family problems he could never see himself realize his dream to be in the civil services. After that he got into job because he had a family to support, which got followed by his marriage and more responsibilities i.e. ME. !

My father used to practice strict discipline at home (which made me an obedient child) most probably because I think he had a fair idea what it takes to groom an IAS officer right from the childhood. I was very much convinced that the IAS is the only profile for me and thus after my schooling I am going to concentrate on my preparation for competition.

At the time when most of my friends opted for science after 10th standard, I opted for commerce; just because of the simple fact that I had decided that commerce was going to be one of my subjects for the civil services examination too. So, that was one of the important decisions of my life which I took without even realizing what I wanted to do.

But that was the time when India as an economy was growing and also the corporate salaries. Media bytes about high salaries and placements in B schools attracted my attention. Suddenly I realized that there are much more than IAS as a career opportunity.

My urge to be successful in corporate career and earn lots of money came out explicitly as my interest gradually starts shifting towards a career in corporate sector. I informed my father about my intentions of doing the management course. But as was expected, it was hard for him to see me going on a different career path altogether. Had I told him that I don’t want to be a babu but I want to be an IPS, then he would have accepted that somehow.


But my intentions of moving into the corporate sector, made my father astonished as for him the ‘government jobs’ are any day better than ‘private jobs’. But I was sure what I wanted to do, so in order to convince my father I decided to bring some modifications to my plan. We both decided that I will first do my management course, but after getting my MBA I shall sit for civil service examinations atleast once.
My decision about my career path made me land here at Bhubaneswar (nearly 2000 Ks from Chandigarh).

Having realized my dream of getting into a B school of my choice, the focus is now on the future. Candidly admitting, my short term vision was to enter into a B school, get some good marks in some subjects and decent in some others, and get a plum job and walk away out of the campus to enter the world to do what I always wanted to do, that is making a successful career in the corporate sector. Obviously, when you meet budding entrepreneurs and smartest minds in a B school, your thinking contours tend to touch new horizons.


I am discovering myself daily and learning new things about others and the immense possibilities which exist in the entire world outside the gates of the campus, other than earning money. Learn as much as possible, is what I am realizing now, for this learning will always be with me for the rest of my life. Earning money or moving abroad to earn greenbacks was a done thing for me when I entered the B school which now has taken a backseat; instead this seems too insignificant now. So, now the main reason why I entered into a B school stands futile, and I have no reason to offer to myself or to my father why did I enter a B school in the first place if I do not intend to make money and I really wanted to do something Big and significant.


I think at some point in life, money tends to cease importance. One wants to do the job which he wants to do irrespective of what material returns that ‘job’ will fetch. But that takes me back to the point on which I convinced my father, that a management degree will enable me to do things of my choice and earn enough so as to spend my life in the way I want to.

But due to this flip flop of career choices, today I am a half MBA and one fourth of an IAS aspirant, with one fourth still searching for more answers for my career path. After all, I do not want to join a job just for the sake of it, because my principles ask me to justify the position and responsibility which I have been assigned, and want me to do full justice to my job, thus ‘satisfying the job’.

All this comes from commitment, which matters the most for me. Discovering a new interest while being in another job, accounts for infidelity as per my opinion.


No job is interesting, and every job is interesting. The challenge is how to make a job joyful and interesting, so that each and every day at the workplace seems a ‘celebration’. One shall not always seek the job satisfying the employees, infact it shall be the flesh and blood satisfying the job, position and responsibilities. Changing careers due to flagging interests and plummeting levels of concentration are not good signs, even from an individual’s perspective.


This amounts that perhaps one has not given enough thought and time to oneself to think adequately and sufficiently about one’s career path. It doesn’t mean that there are definite career paths and everyone has to opt for one or the other, infact it implies that one should discover his interest and talent as soon as possible in his life, and then with unquestioned dedication move towards perfection, which itself is a sempiternal and absorbing odyssey, a reason enough to make the rest of life a celebration.



Familiarity breeds contempt, they say, but contempt is required for breaking the jinx and taking the path which both, our mind and heart commands but that happens less often. I thought of earning lots of money, but a short stint in my B school life has changed my thinking and has made me to rethink my career path.

Perhaps that is one of the many things which I am loving in my B School life!

Life @ XIMB

The following words are the creation of Kartikeya Mishra,XIMB-2004-06 batch(My Super Super Super Super Super Senior..Perhaps that makes him my Superior Duperior Senior :P)
The text has been taken from Life @XIMB thread on Pagalguy. Quite frankly,I tried writing something similar, but could not dare, since the following account is as precise as it could get. Enjoy reading ...

XST: XIM Standard Time

Normal daily routine of a guy at XIMB

8:45 XST: Wake up time...the alarm goes off....
8:48 XST: The alarm which you conveniently ignored earlier ...goes off
again
8:50 XST: You finally wake up
8:51 XST: A quick trip to the loo
8:55 XST: You wake up ppl...who'r still in a slumber
8:58 XST: You dash to the class.
9:00 XST: If you are lucky you make it to class, JIT (just in time)
9:02 XST: The ones who are not so lucky, make an entry into class, some

would be asked to leave, if you are lucky, you get to attend the

class, but no attendance for u, if you are really really lucky...the
prof

is late!!!
9:05 XST: Attendance done...time to doze off in class
9:10 XST: Man when does this class end
10:25 XST: Yawn....of the class is coming to an end is it???
10:30 XST: Damn c’mon prof....you gotta let us go now
10:31 XST: Hey prof CMON
10:32 XST: Finally...you're out
10:35 XST: Breakfast time
10:59 XST: What time for the next class already...DAMN
11:00 XST: Class 2...more or less the same as class 1
12:30 XST: Time for lunch..or is it time for another nap...
12:45 XST: Lunch!!!
13:15 XST: Do i have to bathe today???
13:20 XST: Do i really need to bathe...
13:30 XST: ok guess its been days since i last bathed...
13:50 XST: Damn another class....what about my nap...
14:00 XST: Class 3..... read what happens in class1
15:30 XST: Class ends....time for a coffee...
15:35 XST: You sip coffee peacefully.....
15:45 XST: Class 4, what a quiz...a surprise quiz....how come the other


section gets to give it in the next class...how come no
"surprise"


for them....
15:46 XST: Damn was this ever discussed in class...i can't seem to recall


anything
15:59 XST: Thank god its over...lets hope..everybody got it wrong..that

way..it really doesn't matter..
16:00 XST: Time to sleep again
17:15 XST: Yawwnnnn...oh the class got over is it..
17:16 XST: Snacks time.....
17:30 XST: Time for football...time for tennis...time for badminton....
18:15 XST: Can't i bunk the next class...how about a proxy...
18:36 XST: You make it class...a whole 6 mins late...
19:15 XST: You need to be excused....you take a loo break...you walk out..
19:16 XST: You change your mind ...you don't wanna go back.....plus ...its


time you've been to sandy square...this is the time..when all the

pretty faces turn up ..there..you head to CCD..
19:20 XST: You get an SMS from a frnd in class "Dude ...why aren't you
back


yet, prof just announced a surprise quiz.....he's bolted the door"

aaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhh..you just lost 15% of your weightage....damn
damn

damn

20:14 XST: You just realise ...thats its a 6 class day....and today’s the


day..
20:15 XST: What another class....when does all this end..
20:30 XST: You turn up 15 mins late...
21:00 XST: Sir, can we end ...the class now...its been a long day...
21:01 XST: Just a few more mins..son...i promise to end the class 5 mins


earlier...(thats still 40 mins away)
21:30 XST: Sir can we end now puhlllllllease....sure sure....just a few
more


mins
21:45 XST: You start getting up to leave...its times the class ended...
21:46 XST: Just a min son, i know i promised ...we'd end early...but i
gotta


explain this....cmon..we'd can start something...new next class
21:50 XST: Finally it ends..
21:51 XST: Thank god the day is over....well is it...
21:52 XST: There's a commotion in the porch area...
21:53 XST: What the hell's happening......WHAT .... assignment......MC

assignment and it NEEDS TO BE SUBMITTED BY 11:59 tonite.....when was
that

announced.....there was nuthing on the notice board...when you chkd at

8pm...it just got announced.........

21:54 XST: WHAT ABOUT THE DINNER THAT WE HAD PLANNED OUTSIDE...
21:55 XST: You rush to the mess...and finish off dinner.......
22:00 XST: What did i have for dinner anyway......well does it really
matter


22:10 XST: You try and understand what the assignment is all about..
22:15 XST: You ping your grp mates....(thank god...they invented instant


messengers )....Guys get your ass down to my room ASAP..
22:40 XST: Your first grp mate arrives..."Man i buzzed you 20 mins
back..."


Sorry man..i just got your ms"..."What about others"...."Well who

elses there in our grp"
22:41 XST: Oh yeah good question...let me chk...
22:45 XST: Hey class rep....who all did you put in my grp...
22:46 XST: Class reps no where to be found....
23:00 XST: Class reps finally found...hey who all in my grp......the reply
"Chk grp listing on the intranet - The grps were made by prof"
23:05 XST: Damn why didn't i think of that...
23:15 XST: Distress call...you send a msg on the LAN mssnger "My grp

mates...whoever you are....please come to my Room ASAP...with regards
to


the MC assign...please please please come..."
23:20 XST: Whats the point...the msngr seems to be flooder with similar

msgs....
23:25 XST: You decide to deal with the assignment ...with just the 3 of
your
grp mates..who decided to turn up...hell with the rest...

23:30 XST: Google.com.... you copy paste...the question as mentioned in
the
assign......you do manage to get some results......download some
relevant stuff
23:40 XST: You start copy pasting.....your doc seems to building up... hey
not bad...i think we can finish it off...Hey Hey add the
names...add
the names of the grp member..ok done..
23:55 XST: You are pleased with your work..... man time to upload...you
gotta hurry....deadline 11:59 sharp...else the intranet won't accept
it.
23:58 XST: You login to the ..intranet//
23:58 XST: Where do i upload...wheres the damn link.....oh yeah found..
23:58:52 XST: NOTICE ON SOME SCREENS ..... UPLOAD COMPLETE....UPLOADED BY
USER U104082 at time 23:58:52..
0000 XST: Notice on some screens
"DEADLINE HAS EXPIRED" You cannot upload .... please contact the
course instructor...

0001 XST: What the f......... i did upload ...i upload well before the
deadline....you finally come to realise that your system clock is not
synchronized with the server lock.....DAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNN...thats
another 15% lost...

0200 XST: You while away time..... happy at completing the assignment (or
cribbing over failing to upload ....in some cases)....you get a
buzz...
0201 XST: You read the msg "Hey....we got a presentation ...at 9 in the
morning....i forgot all about it......didn't realise it was our grps
turn...so what say ...we do that now???? "

0202 XST: what again.......you are too dumbstruck to even think...you
reply...."ok sure....i'd be in your room in a few mins......inform the
girls as well...make sure everybody's there"


0215 XST: You walk into your frnds room...everybodys there... except for
one
girl...where the hell is ...she...

0220 XST: After some frantic calls to girl2, girl1 says..shes taking the
ximb walk...with.. ..you know who....
You scream....."She better be here...or else...shes thrown out of
the grp"

0230 XST: Girl 2 finally shows up "Sorry yaar...was just discussing
...today‘s quiz with......" yeah whatever...

0345 XST: Presentation..doesn't seem to be making sense....2 of your grp
members have dozed off....
0400 XST: Two members leave.....
0415 XST: the three of you who are left.....finish off....the
presentation....pleased with ur work...at least thats what you think
0430 XTS: Its been a horrid day...time to crash..
0845 XTS: Man ..i gotta dress up for the presentation... man i need to
shave....
0905 XTS: You arrive in class..clean shaven, your clothes are unironed
though....never mind...
0910 XTS: The class is waiting for u to start..with your presentation..oh
you've forgotten the pen drive...well never mind...take it off.. your comp
on the network...damn i forgot to share the folder.....ok ok ...never
mind..you can map your drive....don't worry...oh yeah...i can ......but
it
wouldn't access.....DAMN i had turned my comp off..............
...............
..........


and so the saga continues.......

the routine continues....every single day........

5 Mistakes Women Make!

A friend of mine sent me this article which was written by a man and she told me to spread the word. . Some of the language is a bit uuuhhmmm strong but it's been a long time I read something so powerful. There's only one thing he said I disagreed with and would like to counter. As Christians, our Christian standards must be internalized to be our personal standards or we will fail in our walk with God. I therefore submit that Personal standards and Religious standards should be the same; never different. Enjoy the read everyone.

5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu

Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.


Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.


But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.

Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.

As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.

That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.


Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!

By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship.
What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain.

Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning.


But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place.
In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!


Why are you making excuses for him…..again?

I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you.


Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen.
Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.


Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’

A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story).


So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29!


They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?


You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!

Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived.


And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.


I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?

I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!


A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.

Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.

There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?