Tuesday, June 16, 2009
5 Mistakes Women Make!
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship.
What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain.
Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning.
But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place.
In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you.
Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen.
Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story).
So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29!
They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived.
And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
AR Rahman Does India proud
This has been a special day for the Indian film industry. But not because ‘Slumdog millionaire’ has won eight Academy Awards at the 81st Academy Awards ceremony at LA Kodak theater but because of the fact that our very own AR Rahman has won OSCARS for the best Music(song) Jai Ho and best original score.
In his thank you speech Rahman said—“Before coming, I was excited and terrified. The last time I felt like that was during my marriage. There's a dialogue from a Hindi film called "Mere paas ma hai," which means "I have nothing but I have a mother," so mother's here, her blessings are there with me. I am grateful for her to have come all the way. And I want to thank the Academy for being so kind, all the jury members. I want to thank Sam Schwartz, I/D PR, all the crew of Slumdog, Mr. Gulzar, Raqueeb Alam, Blaaze, my musicians in Chennai and Mumbai. And I want to tell something in Tamil, which says, which I normally say after every award which is... "God is great." Thank you.
Also Resul Pookutty wojn the Oscars for the Sound Mixing category alongside Ian Tapp and Richard Pryke. In his acceptance speech Resul gave a special mention to India when he said—“This is unbelievable. We can't believe this. Ladies and gentlemen... sorry... I share the stage with two magicians, you know, who created the very ordinary sounds of Bombay, the cacophony of Bombay, into a soul-stirring, artful resonance called Slumdog Millionaire.
I come from a country and a civilization that given the universal word. That word is preceded by silence, followed by more silence. That word is "Om." So I dedicate this award to my country. Thank you, Academy, this is not just a sound award, this is history being handed over to me. My sincere and deepest gratitude to my teachers, Danny Boyle, Christian Colson, Paul Ritchie, Pravesh... and everybody who has contributed to this film, Glenn Freemantle and all the sound mixers. I dedicate this to you guys. Thank you, Academy. Thank you very much.
"Slumdog" writer Beaufoy, who adapted the script from Vikas Swarup's novel "Q&A," said there are places he never could imagine being.
"For me, it's the moon, the South Pole, the Miss World podium, and here," Beaufoy said.
In all, Slumdog Millionaire" has cruised to eight Academy Awards wins including best director for Danny Boyle.
The evening is following the script of earlier Hollywood honors, with "Slumdog Millionaire" steamrolling its way towards the big prize, best picture. The other Oscars for "Slumdog Millionaire" include adapted screenplay, cinematography and both music awards, for score and song.
For his demented reinvention of Batman villain the Joker, Heath Ledger becomes only the second actor ever to win posthumously, his triumph coming 13 months after his death from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs on Oscar nominations day last year.
The previous posthumous Oscar recipient was Peter Finch, who won best actor for 1976's "Network" two months after his death.
At the start of this piece I said that this is a special day because of Allah Rakha Rahman but not because of Slumdog millionaire in which almost everyone from producer to director, from technicians to distributors were foreigners so why is that the Indian media is going haywire over the ‘Slumdog success’. Of course there is no denying that we all are very proud for AR and we should celebrate his success as our own success but the media is jumping the gun just because there are some familiar faces acting in the movie. The movie has got its own share of critics as well like Amitabh Bachhan who has regret the fact that director Danny Boyle has chosen the slums and the dirty and filthy underbelly of the “Rising India”. So are we too touch to manifest the reality of India and does it make us uneasy when one foreign film director showcases Mumbai riots, beggary rackets, slums and brothels of India or are we mature enough to accept the facts as they are? What do you think?
Abhay Mittal
Courtesy-AP
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Had you said yes...
Had you said yes …
To My only dream
How content I would seem
Happy forever I would have rested in peace
To the length where love won’t stretch and cease
To My tried intent
Of such a Truth as I have ever meant
Would have shown depth infinitely like a sea
Etched in you so could never forget me
Had you said yes…
You would have known my only crush
But you said No, so don’t now put me in a rush
Say not this, say not that
Forget not this, forget not that
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Satyam Shocker
Misfortunes always comes in twos—that is what perh
aps has been happening to B.Raju and his company satyam.
The chairman of Satyam Computer
Services B.Ramalinga Raju-India's 4th-biggest software services exporter, announced his resignation on Wednesday, triggering a more than 60 percent drop in the company's share price.
In a statement to the stock exchange,
B. Ramalinga Raju said Satyam's end-September balance sheet had been overstated. He apologised to staff and shareholders and said he was prepared to face the legal consequences.
The resi
gnation came in just within 24 hours after Forrester backtracked on Satyam and 24 hours prior to the scheduled Board meeting on 10 January.
The benchmark indices have extended losses further due to sharp cut in Satyam. Satyam's board in a press release mentioned that the balance sheet has in
flated cash & bank balance of Rs 5040 crore. The balance sheet has inflated accrued interest of Rs 376 crore in books is non-existent. The stock crashed nearly 50%.
According to press release, Rs 1,230 crore was arranged to Satyam,
which is not reflected in books. Raju said Merrill Lynch can be entrusted to explore merger options. Ram Mynampati to act as interim CEO.
In a letter to the board members, Raju also said that the company reported inflated revenues over years.
In reaction
to Raju’s revelations, the stock was hammered by investors and it is down over 48 per cent.
He said that he feared takeover due to poor finance performance. Coming clean on financial irregularities,
he said that the company had Rs 1,230 crore worth of understated liability as of September 30.
He also revealed that he tried to fill fictitious assets with Maytas deal.
His decision was conveyed to the company’s board members. The company was supposed to hold a board meeting this Saturday.
The company has submitted a copy of a communication sent by Ramalinga Raju, addressed to the Board, with the stock exchanges, capital market regulator SEBI and senior leaders of the company.
Satyam said that it is also in receipt of resignation tendered by Rama Raju, Managing Director of the company who will continue in the position only till such time the current Board is expanded and the continuance is just to ensure enhancement of the Board over the next several days or as early as possible.
Shares of Satyam have tumbled by over 60% to Rs.70. The scrip plunged to an intra-day low of Rs45 after hitting an intra-day high of Rs.188. The stock recorded volumes of over 100million shares within a span of 45 minutes Wednesday morning, on BSE.
Satyam has informed that DSP Merrill Lynch has terminated its engagement with the company. Merrill Lynch was entrusted with the task of finding a strategic option for the company in the wake of the controversial withdrawal of the plan to acquire two promoter group companies.
Reactions are coming in fast from the various quarters of the Indian IT fraternity, most of which are drenched with the feeling of shock.
CB Bhave, the chairman of Securities and exchange board of India said that, Satyam’s CEO’s open letter to all the affected parties itself does not clarify all the misdoings and the veracity of the letter can’t be vouched for. also the auditors, the independent directors, the banks cannot be washed away with, they also have a lot to answer.
R.K. GUPTA, MANAGING DIRECTOR, TAURUS ASSET MANAGEMENT, NEW DELHI:
"If a company's chairman himself says they built fictitious assets, who do you believe here? Not only Satyam, this has put a question mark on the entire corporate governance system in India. Probably he will face a rigid enquiry. Anyway, things are pretty bad."
V.K. SHARMA, HEAD OF RESEARCH, ANAGRAM STOCK BROKING:
"It reduces confidence (in corporate governance). It's absolutely wretched.
"There is no option right now (for Satyam). People will leave, clients will walk away. It's a very, very dire thing that has happened. There will be question marks raised everywhere."
JIGAR SHAH, SENIOR VICE-PRESIDENT OF KIM ENG SECURITIES:
"I think there is no future for this stock. This case for India is similar to what happened to Enron in the U.S.
Perhaps this the biggest worry. Chairman of NASSCOM Ganesh Natarajan said in his statement on CNBC TV 18, minutes after the ‘Satyam shocker’, that it wont be easy to say that this entire episode would not affect India’s offshoring reputation, keeping in mind that the corporate governance has not always been on the priority of the offshore clients; fortunately or unfortunately. Well, any takers for that?
It’s an interesting twist indeed, as Forrestor was severely critical in its latest report after the Satyam Maytas controversy came out in the open.
But the way Satyam was apparently twisting another report to indicate how Forrestor always said good things about Satyam, is now clearly an embarrassment for both the sides.
The research firm, in its latest report suggests apart from the upheaval on the employee front that unrest amongst the clients is growing and can impact Satyam's business in a big way.
It will not stop at Satyam. Many more companies will come into scrutiny like that. There is a strong possibility investments in India will be affected.
News Courtesy: Economic times
NDTV Profit
Would have said thanks to you...
Always gave the sensual feeling of being amidst flowers,
Spent many many and many moments with you ,
But they all seem to be very few
'Cause every moment happens to be a brand new .
All the colors in my life you brought ,
Could have just imagined in my thought ,
So believe it when I say ,
I will always cherish your friendship come what may .
Rising up in my life and Glaring like thousands sun ,
Making the sorrows go away never thought that you will be the one ,
When there was dark all around and blue ,
Would have said thanks to you…
But could never think of the friendship reward ,
Yet I tried 'cause it is just these words I could afford.
--Abhay Mittal--